Farking Emo's

Emo....what a pathetic excuse for music! Granted, I have been known as the ecclectic music whore - cause I listen to and enjoy every single type of music ever made. But tonight I came across a set of lyrics that really got under my skin. Before I put the lyrics here - let me just elaborate a little. Most emo music is categorised by the fact that emo is short for emotional. Whoah, what a revelation there! What emo music fails to realise is that there is a whole gamet of emotions in regards to being human - whether they like it or not. So really, emo music should be called "sooky-whiny-my-life-is-so-horrible-everyone-hates-me" music. Because generally speaking - well, not just generally speaking - ALL of the emo music is just that.

Now, this does not mean that any song that is a sad song is classified as emo. For example, Eric Clapton's "Tears In Heaven" is NOT emo. Why not? Because Eric Clapton actually had a bloody good reason to write that song and to feel the way he felt. His son fell out of a 53rd floor window and died. So yes, he had a good reason to be depressed.

Well known emo bands such as Simple Plan, My Chemical Romance, Wendy Icon, I Killed The Prom Queen, Dashboard Confessional, Jimmy Eat World, The Used and AFI demonstrate simple lyric meanings which usually revolve around the concept of love won and lost and the inability to cope, being picked on by bullies, or feeling inadequate because the deli ran out of your favourite ice cream. Hence, the reason why they should not be defined as "emotional" but rather "sooky-whiny-my-life-is-so-horrible-everyone-hates-me". Still with me?

Moving on to the real reason why I am here. I came across a message board no doubt full of "sooky-whiny-my-life-is-so-horrible-everyone-hates-me" children and found a post that read...."the greatest song ever! I can relate to it....it's my whole life in a few words..." and so on and so forth. Now, the song in question is "God Must Hate Me" by Simple Plan. The lyrics are as follows (edited version - if you want to read the full lyrics see http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/simpleplan/godmusthateme.html)

Last night I just wanted to have fun
To go out with my friends
I took my dad's car
I never thought he would find out
But I crashed in a wall
Man I'm dead
I guess it's no use
I'm screwing up ever little thing I ever try to do
I was born to lose
God must hate me
He cursed me for eternity...
Maybe you should pray for me
I'm breaking down and you can't save me
I'm stuck in hell
And I wanna go home
Last night I had to study for this test
I forgot man I'm dead
And now my brain is bursting out of my head
I can't think I can't breathe
Once again...

So what in the world am I supposed to do?
I never did anything to you
So can't you find something else to do?

And the whole horrible thing continues on whinging in a similar fashion. Why does this lad seem to think that God could be bothered wasting his time picking on him? All because he took his dads car and crashed and died. It's his own bloody fault - wanker.

The point is - lets take all the emos, put them in a room, and let loose a million flying ants after smearing them in honey whilst forcing them to watch Napoleon Dynamite. That should fix them.